Trying to face Failure
Part 2 of the Failure Series
Hey, welcome back! This is part 2 of my Failure essays. I’m not sure how much I want to talk about this topic, but this was the topic of the week and something I had been thinking about for WAAAAAAAY too long. I hope you enjoy and find something you resonate with here, Reader! Let me know your thoughts in the comments!
Recap of Part 1: I’ve failed so many times, it’s not even funny. I was so afraid of failing that I never tried new things. This led me to feel both isolated and driven to experience new things, but my fear of failure held me back. (SIDE NOTE: I wrote both essays together, but felt it was dragging, and I couldn’t explain myself clearly - hence the two posts)
Trying to face Failure
As discussed in the last essay, I’m used to failing. Being used to failing and doing something about it - those are TWO very different things. I wasn’t ready to confront the reasons I failed, nor did I want to try anything new again. Failure was scary (it still is, if I’m honest).
Two weeks ago, I gave pottery a shot. I found a 6-week course that was reasonably priced and close to home. On a whim, I decided it was time to stop being afraid of living and signed up. The class is a lot of fun! It’s not super busy, and everyone there was welcoming and helpful. I still have 4 weeks to go and a lot of progress to make because I failed a LOT! The clay literally came apart as I tried to shape it, and it was a mess, but also hilarious.
And that was the difference. Rather than dwelling on negative thoughts about what’s wrong with ME, I had to change the way I looked at the situation. Before, I would’ve shrunk away into myself and thought, “Oh, I can’t do this, I don’t belong in this room”. That day I decided to laugh. It was normal to fail, I’m a newbie! I wasn’t going to let the fear of failing and being seen trying stop me from having a good, new experience.
Not going to lie, it was HARD changing those thoughts. I saw everyone else trying and having more success than me. That made it really challenging to just laugh the pain away. But if I didn’t laugh, then I wouldn’t have continued. I would’ve only thought about what I’m NOT doing right and not realizing what I WAS doing right. Yes I couldn’t get a wide cup, but I made small trinket dishes. One of the other members even complimented my attempts at trying a bubble shape. My point is - I didn’t let my fear stop me from being excited about this new adventure.
The theme of the week is failure. Before, I was afraid of it - when it happened, I would hide and beat myself up for not achieving those good grades or reaching that perfect score in a game. I didn’t understand that failure was natural - failure meant you had room to grow. It’s a natural part of the learning process, one that I had been so scared of. I love to learn, and yet, starting and failing meant being seen, being vulnerable, and “weak”.
What I didn’t realize then - there’s no such thing as weakness when it comes to learning. Okay, wait - maybe there are subjects and topics we do better/worse in, but in THIS context of starting and failing, weakness is normal. Weakness means room to learn, room to grow, room to sit with the topic.
Instead of responding with fear to failure, we should welcome it like a friend. Instead of hiding and never trying, we should jump straight in with laughter. One lesson I’ve been trying to learn and implement in my life is “be scared, but do it anyways”. Be scared and try something new. Be scared and eat at the restaurant alone. Be scared and approach people to make friends. Be kind and don’t be afraid to fail.
Okay, maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaybe this didn’t need to be two parts, but I’m glad I separated it. I had NO idea how to end the first part, and I’m sure this really won’t be a conclusion. More like an intended pause until I think of more to say about it. Hope you enjoyed reading, and please let me know what you think!
